Friday funnies!

A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter.

She goes over and asks him what he is drinking

"Magic Beer", he says.

She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,

"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"


"Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building 3 times and comes back inthe window.

The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again."


He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.

She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic

Beer, so  the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."


She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the  window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body,and dies.


The bartender looks up at the guy and says,

"You know, Superman, you're a real @sshole when you're drunk!"
 
A woman goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some cyanide. The pharmacist says, "Cyanide! I can't give you that. It's a deadly poison." She says, "I've got to have some." He says, "what do you need it for?" The woman says, "I'm going to poison my husband for cheating on me." The pharmacist says, "If I give you some and you kill your husband, you and I will both go to jail." She says, "he's cheating with your wife." The pharmacist jumps right up and says, "Why didn't you tell me you had a perscription!"
 
Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Joe decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.

"I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

The woman went home with Joe, and in four days she became his stepmother. Men will never learn.
 
FEMALE  POEM

I want a  man that's handsome, smart and strong  One who loves to listen
long,  One who  thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I want him to  be gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, he not be annoyed.
Pulls  out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh!  For a man that makes love to my mind, and knows what to answer to "How
big is my behind?"
I want that this man love me to no end,  And always be my very best friend.




MALE  POEM

I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.  I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't give a  sh!t.
 
Calvin_yelling11.jpg
 
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