I need your prayers!
- Thread starter cfelton
- Start date
RWilson2526
God
Let cooler heads prevail...Cant tell from your post who was the offender and who was the offended but keep a cool head and try to work it out.
charlie_the_tuna
God
son, that facebook can put a real strain on a marriage. done mine a couple times. hope all quiets down in your home and goes back to normal.
Destroyer
God
The problem with all those internet sites is that they grab onto a persons mind first... Since you don't actually see the person you're talking to in the beginning, it's all about mind and emotions... and they both can be very powerful attractants. When people first meet each other in normal life there is the physical attraction/repulsion thing that you don't have with online dating, so it's all attraction. And yes, I'm speaking from experience here.
The real problem is that if a person is, or seems ready to make a change, due to the online dating, it's indicative of a much larger problem. And women seem more vulnerable than men in this regard. Face it guys, we let ourselves go as we age. Our bellies become larger, our sex drive gets less and less, our hair gets thinner and grey. In short we age. And guys don't take care of themselves the same way a woman does. We're not schooled in cosmetics, Zumba, weight loss etc. So the woman starts thinking that there just might be a better looking fish in the sea. Remember, what we may think is ok just might not be ok to our partner. If I've learned one thing, it's that we all must constantly let our mates know that they are loved, respected and admired and that they are the center of our lives.
My experience has been that renewing your sex life, dieting, body building, etc all help lessen the effects of the internet thing. BUT, understand, you are fighting some VERY powerful forces here, and you may not be successful. A lot depends on how far it's gone, and how well the original foundation of your marriage was. In your case, 30 some years is a pretty powerful foundation. There's a reason you two have stayed together all that time. Build on it. Get some counseling if at all possible. Don't try to take this on alone. My prayers go out to both of you.
And the following is for all guys here! NOT POINTING A FINGER AT ANYONE except myself:
Understand, I am not a predator, I do not use facebook or instant messenger or ICQ or twitter or tinder any other social media anymore. Have not for years. But there was a time when I did, and I'll tell you right here and now... Without bragging... that I never had a lack of good looking married women that were willing to regularly cyber with me using Skype (video conferencing media) and on numerous occasions actually meet with me for some afternoon delight. I'm not proud of what I used to do, just stating facts. Understand, I'm no great shakes looking guy. Just average, and I don't have some enormous penis. But I gave each and every one of them the one thing that they wanted and needed more than anything else and what was lacking in their marriage.... I gave them attention, understanding, and love. And I was vocal about it. I never failed to tell them I loved them. I never failed to thank them for anything they did for me. I never failed to pay them a compliment every chance I could. How they looked, how they kept their house, their hair, their makeup, etc. You get the idea. And I never failed to get their pants off.
Each and every male here is vulnerable to jerkoffs like I was. When was the last time you took your wife out to dinner, no reason, just because. Or took her to bed, and tried a different position. On top, on the bottom, from behind, tied up, blindfolded,...doesn't matter.. just not the same old sex, in the same old way, at the same old time. Variety is the spice of life as they say, and with sex, it's even more so. You need to keep things fresh.
Anyone see that movie a few weeks back? 50 Shades of Grey? If you haven't, you should. It's a primer for what a LOT of women want. Home depot reported that after the movie released, their sales of rope to WOMEN customers increased by 52%. Love making to a woman is much more mental than it is to a guy. And cybering (or sexting as it's called now) is 100% mental most times.. So you do the math.
Look to your own house guys... take care of business there first. It's your number one priority and the best way to keep asshats like me at bay. No woman will stray if she's being cared for properly. Every woman will think about straying if she's not.
And the following is a quote from a lady that sent it to me roughly 5 minutes ago: "I literally crave attention... It's not always about sex. I crave someone to cuddle with me. Lay their head on my lap. Hold my hand and rub my thumb across theirs. Just to look at someone and say.... How did I get so lucky!"
I think we all need to take a lesson from her words.
The real problem is that if a person is, or seems ready to make a change, due to the online dating, it's indicative of a much larger problem. And women seem more vulnerable than men in this regard. Face it guys, we let ourselves go as we age. Our bellies become larger, our sex drive gets less and less, our hair gets thinner and grey. In short we age. And guys don't take care of themselves the same way a woman does. We're not schooled in cosmetics, Zumba, weight loss etc. So the woman starts thinking that there just might be a better looking fish in the sea. Remember, what we may think is ok just might not be ok to our partner. If I've learned one thing, it's that we all must constantly let our mates know that they are loved, respected and admired and that they are the center of our lives.
My experience has been that renewing your sex life, dieting, body building, etc all help lessen the effects of the internet thing. BUT, understand, you are fighting some VERY powerful forces here, and you may not be successful. A lot depends on how far it's gone, and how well the original foundation of your marriage was. In your case, 30 some years is a pretty powerful foundation. There's a reason you two have stayed together all that time. Build on it. Get some counseling if at all possible. Don't try to take this on alone. My prayers go out to both of you.
And the following is for all guys here! NOT POINTING A FINGER AT ANYONE except myself:
Understand, I am not a predator, I do not use facebook or instant messenger or ICQ or twitter or tinder any other social media anymore. Have not for years. But there was a time when I did, and I'll tell you right here and now... Without bragging... that I never had a lack of good looking married women that were willing to regularly cyber with me using Skype (video conferencing media) and on numerous occasions actually meet with me for some afternoon delight. I'm not proud of what I used to do, just stating facts. Understand, I'm no great shakes looking guy. Just average, and I don't have some enormous penis. But I gave each and every one of them the one thing that they wanted and needed more than anything else and what was lacking in their marriage.... I gave them attention, understanding, and love. And I was vocal about it. I never failed to tell them I loved them. I never failed to thank them for anything they did for me. I never failed to pay them a compliment every chance I could. How they looked, how they kept their house, their hair, their makeup, etc. You get the idea. And I never failed to get their pants off.
Each and every male here is vulnerable to jerkoffs like I was. When was the last time you took your wife out to dinner, no reason, just because. Or took her to bed, and tried a different position. On top, on the bottom, from behind, tied up, blindfolded,...doesn't matter.. just not the same old sex, in the same old way, at the same old time. Variety is the spice of life as they say, and with sex, it's even more so. You need to keep things fresh.
Anyone see that movie a few weeks back? 50 Shades of Grey? If you haven't, you should. It's a primer for what a LOT of women want. Home depot reported that after the movie released, their sales of rope to WOMEN customers increased by 52%. Love making to a woman is much more mental than it is to a guy. And cybering (or sexting as it's called now) is 100% mental most times.. So you do the math.
Look to your own house guys... take care of business there first. It's your number one priority and the best way to keep asshats like me at bay. No woman will stray if she's being cared for properly. Every woman will think about straying if she's not.
And the following is a quote from a lady that sent it to me roughly 5 minutes ago: "I literally crave attention... It's not always about sex. I crave someone to cuddle with me. Lay their head on my lap. Hold my hand and rub my thumb across theirs. Just to look at someone and say.... How did I get so lucky!"
I think we all need to take a lesson from her words.
D - I have to admit something...I didn't read your whole post. I know there were some nuggets in there, cause you are an intelligent, detail oriented guy, but I honed in on the one part in the middle. At first I thought it said, "I'm no great shakes looking guy. Just average, and I don't have some enormous penis. But I gave each and every one of them every inch......"
Cfelton, hang in there buddy this too shall pass. Everything happens for a reason, and this is fact. I know it may not seem like it. Prayer sent for you and yours....
scook
God
Prayers sent.
My comment, from experience, is to get help but be very careful to get competent help. A good Marriage & Family Therapist (my wife is one) can help understand things you would miss and give you direction. We've been married 41 years and definitely still have things we're working on.
I'm just about done with a book "Passionate Couples" by David Schnarch. Lots of good stuff in it - some of it is dense reading but there's gold in the pages. He points out that having big problems is normal and can be good for growing your marraige - hold onto yourself, confront yourself - read the book - get help - be honest with yourself. It's what I'm working on and it's making a difference.
Hang in there bro' -more prayers on the way.
My comment, from experience, is to get help but be very careful to get competent help. A good Marriage & Family Therapist (my wife is one) can help understand things you would miss and give you direction. We've been married 41 years and definitely still have things we're working on.
I'm just about done with a book "Passionate Couples" by David Schnarch. Lots of good stuff in it - some of it is dense reading but there's gold in the pages. He points out that having big problems is normal and can be good for growing your marraige - hold onto yourself, confront yourself - read the book - get help - be honest with yourself. It's what I'm working on and it's making a difference.
Hang in there bro' -more prayers on the way.
Destroyer
God
D - I have to admit something...I didn't read your whole post. I know there were some nuggets in there, cause you are an intelligent, detail oriented guy, but I honed in on the one part in the middle. At first I thought it said, "I'm no great shakes looking guy. Just average, and I don't have some enormous penis. But I gave each and every one of them every inch......"
Naa... like I said, I'm just average.. only 9 inches.....like everyone else..
spareparts
God
nothing easy about being married, its long hard work. Just when you think everything is cool, soemthing rears its head. Its the rough times that make a marrige worth the effort, if it were easy, it wouldn;t have any value
step up here
Senior Member
Its tough to live with all this internet life all I could say is we were better off without it! Well it changed us all,years ago the bad stayed in the closet. 
Destroyer
God
Its tough to live with all this internet life all I could say is we were better off without it! Well it changed us all,years ago the bad stayed in the closet.
Gotta disagree a little. There have been countless lives saved because of knowledge being available instantly. New friends made, Smart phones, Tablets, bargains found, money saved, boats rescued, homes purchased,or sold... ..Actually, the list is endless of the good things that have come out of the internet. You cannot condemn an entire worldwide cultural revolution simply because of a few bad things. No, I think the internet has really been a game changer for the better.
And the one thing, more than any other thing to come from the internet... the one thing that every politician worldwide fears more than anything else, is the instantly available knowledge that can be found. That's why Countries like China and North Korea censor the internet ..because they know that if the truth came out, they would be on their way out instantly.
randlemanboater
God
Hope things continue to improve for y'all.
cterrebonne
God
great news!