randlemanboater
God
Got this in an email from my boys Scoutmaster, don't know if it is true or not but I'd like to think it is.
Actual CraigsList posting:
To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah) -
I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you
demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my
girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I
hope you somehow come across this message.
I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I
drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the
jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.
You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP
pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster
for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating
weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?
I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to
wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in
your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up
leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have
you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us
again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you
had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I
also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of
the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the
cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster. I
called a bunch of 900 numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill
in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the
line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I
don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently
cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone
calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.
So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when
you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up
to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to
help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on
the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd
also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you
walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your
choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.
If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry.
Peace!
- Alex
Actual CraigsList posting:
To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah) -
I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you
demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my
girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I
hope you somehow come across this message.
I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I
drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the
jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.
You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP
pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster
for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating
weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?
I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to
wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in
your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up
leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have
you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us
again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you
had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I
also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of
the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the
cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster. I
called a bunch of 900 numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill
in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the
line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I
don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently
cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone
calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.
So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when
you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up
to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to
help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on
the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd
also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you
walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your
choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.
If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry.
Peace!
- Alex
