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"Just a Common Soldier" by A. Lawrence Vaincourt > > He was getting old and paunchy and his hair was falling fast, > And he sat around the Legion, telling stories of the past. > > Of a war that he had fought in and the deeds that he had done, > In his Exploits with his buddies; they were...

A gas station put up a sign that read,"Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his freesex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You...

A gas station put up a sign that read,"Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his freesex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You...

George Bush and Barack Obama at the barbershop. George Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop! As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics...

I saw a Muslim fall into the creek behind our house this morning, and being a responsible citizen, I informed emergency services. It's 10:00 PM and they still haven't responded! I'm now starting to think I've wasted a stamp!

THIS IS TRULY THOUGHT PROVOKING. There was a chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab, the Prof noticed one young man, an exchange student, who kept rubbing his back and stretching as if his back hurt...

The main muff and I are leaving friday to go to Key West. We'll be there Saturday thru Wednesday. We're just gonna be goofing around & chillin and maybe just might have some adult beverages while were there. :sun::beer:

Hello?'** **'Hi honey.** **This is Daddy.** **Is Mommy near the phone?'** **'No, Daddy.** **She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'** **After a brief pause,** **Daddy says,** **'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'** **'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with...

captpete check your PM

Two guys are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that elks have sex 10 to 15 times a night?" "Aw crap..," says his friend, "and I just joined the VFW!"

Two Mexicans are on a bicycle about 15 miles outside of Lafayette, Louisiana. One of the bike's tires goes flat and they start hitching a lift back into town. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help, and the Mexicans ask him for a ride. He tells them he has no room in the trailer as...

Good Afternoon Please, take care of yourself. A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related. This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who just drink...

Destroyer you have mail in your PM Help!!!

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere. Buttocks clenched, Billy Bob performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls...

"Fathom the odd hypocrisy that Obama wants every citizen to prove they are insured, but people don't have to prove they are citizens". ~ Ben Stein

I met a fairy today who said she would grant me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said. "Sorry" said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!" "Fine," I said, "I want to die after the Democrats get their heads out of their asses!" "You crafty bastard," said the fairy.

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in...

> A woman walks into a CPA's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. > The CPA says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." > He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?" > > "I'm a Whor*," she says. >...

Subject: Fw: Best Come-back ever! > > Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous . > > In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 12.01 a.m. on Friday. > > > > On Monday, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was...

IN HER DIARY: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I...